Gadabout.

Christmas 2009

helenanygren@gmail.com — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 00:07:00 GMT

Christmas is always bittersweet for me. I always want to love it, but 99% of the last 20 I've had have turned out to be crap in one way or another. I guess I just always expect some sort of Christmas miracle and end up dissappointed. I put too much faith into Christmas and this whole idea that amazing things happen for people at this time of year.

One year for Christmas as a child, we were so poor that we got presents from the church that were used toys. I still have that teddy bear somewhere, to remind that things can always be worse and to be thankful for what I have. This year Ray and I toyed around with the idea of buying a surround sound system for ourselves instead of buying other presents. I've been feeling sad for so many people this year though, and although we could afford to get it, we've decided to just buy eachother presents for around €50, because it's really disheartening for me to spend so much money on Christmas presents when so many people are suffering right now around Ireland, America, and the rest of the world.

This post isn't about the sadness or dissappointments of Christmas though. This is a post about what I'm doing this year, because moreso than most other years, this year I NEED to feel Christmas. I don't know why, though. We've decorated the tree, and I love it. It's the first tree I've had for a few years, and it's Ray and I's first tree together. We've hung stockings, we bought some other decorations. It's festive and helps with the holiday cheer. I've been listening non-stop to internet radio Christmas music thanks to a site recommended by vember, and I've been trying to do little things like make hot chocolate with marshmallows, and other festive things like that to keep myself in the Christmas mood. The only problem is that Ray and Rita aren't really into hot chocolate, and they probably won't like the saffron buns I want to make either. I'm not going to mind that though, because they have their right to feel how they choose about Christmas. Oh, I've also watched "A Charlie Brown Christmas". I love it!

The most important thing I've done though, which will be the highlight of my Christmas this year, is that I've sent someone who was once a very important part of my life a Christmas card with an apology for something I've done, and that I've not spoken to anyone really abiout. I know this person has waited a long time for contact from me, but it's taken a long time to get the nerve up to apologize. Making contact again with this person is definitely going to mean more to them and to myself and to some other people involved than anything I could receive in a package. Saying sorry for something we've done wrong can be the hardest thing to do, it's so hard for us to swallow our pride. But it's also the most important thing we can do. A person can learn so much from being humble, and this is the perfect time of year for mending wounds, regardless of how fresh or old they are.

And now, I leave you with a wonderful Christmas memory of mine, which Kristy laughed at, but since she's dead inside, I didn't take it personally.

When I was a little girl, around 5 or 6 years old, my parents would say to me and my brother that we had to be asleep early on Christmas Eve, otherwise Santa wouldn't stop at our house. I believed it with all my heart. So on Christmas Eve, I would try my hardest to be sleeping before he'd pass by our house. But this particular year I couldn't fall asleep, and suddenly, I heard something on the roof, like footsteps. And then I heard the jingling of bells. Mind you, we lived in a mobile home, so I'm still not sure how he didn't fall through, with all of those reindeer and that sled, but I heard Santa on the roof. He came to visit me. So I don't care what anyone says, Santa is real. If you don't believe me, that's your problem really, not mine. I know the truth.

Regardless of how all of you are feeling this year, and how tight your wallets are, or if you have other problems, or if things are wonderful for you, I hope that every one of you will have a special holiday season and that we'll all have some sort of little miracle in one way or another. I'm thinking of you all and I just want to say Happy Holidays to you and I'm sending hugs and hopes of joy your ways!

We got to decorate the tv room today!

helenanygren@gmail.com — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 19:45:01 GMT

It’s sorta difficult to see the decorations so well, but I was so elated today that we got to decorate for Christmas. It’s the first tree that I’ve had in about ten years except for a tree Beverly lent me a couple years ago, and one tree that Fredrik and I chopped down in the middle of the snowy swedish forest. That tree’s needles all fell off like a week before Christmas though, so I was so excited today when we went out and bought this one, my first awesome tree in like ten years!

We also have snowy stencils on the window, and as soon as we’re done painting next week in the kitchen, we’ll put another tree in there as well, and we have a lot of decorations to go. I’m so happy that it’s Christmas time. Haven’t been so excited for Christmas in many years.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 18:24:17 GMT

I just finished my dinner alone in the kitchen because everyone else had eaten earlier than me. I was still in bed at 1:00 when Ray's mom cooks dinner, because I was awake till 6am this morning. (No, I'm not kidding, dinnertime here is the biggest meal of the day and we eat it between 12 and 2. Like, full dinner, pork chops or chicken, potatoes, vegetables, breads, and more veggies.) But anyhow, I got a little bummed because I know that Beverly and Debbie and whoever else they've invited are having their Thanksgiving meal in Sweden without me for the second year in a row. I'll get over it though, maybe next year if things are better, I'll get to make the trip up there to see them.

I really want to decorate for Christmas, but apparently you don't do that here until the 6th of December. It bugs me a little bit, because I'm used to decorating the day after Thanksgiving. It's hard to adjust to cultural differences like this, even though it's not my first time, but I don't think Ray really understands, but it's not like he's ever been in the same situation himself. I'd probably be the same way if he came to America to live with me and said, "Uh, we don't decorate until December 6th." I'd probably say something along the lines of "Kiss my asshole, I'm putting up the tree." hahaha. I remember in Sweden I'd want to take everything down the day after Christmas but Fredrik for the first few years would make me keep it all up till the second week of January. Somewhere along the line, I think we quit decorating altogether, minus the awesome Christmas closet we had (Which was our closet-turned-computer-room).

My nanowrimo novel is done as you guys know, since I've been posting about it everywhere. I'm really glad that I got it done, it's the first year ever that I've completed it. Speaking of completing things, Ray finished Assassin's Creed 2 (XBox), and now he's finishing up some achievements. I've been playing Dragon Age: Origins for awhile now. It's like a 1 person World of Warcraft on the Xbox. There's not much else to do around here with the freezing cold, like, it's REALLY cold and rainy everyday. Plus it makes us feel guilty to go to the pub and do stuff all the time when we've been going out quite a bit for parties and we have Christmas comig up. We still do well considering we're jobless, but having a house with no mortgage helps out a lot, and we do make sacrfices to enjoy the things we really want to do. It's working out pretty well, compared to how it is for a lot of people.

The X-Factor is on tonight, Rita is going out of town for an evening with her friends, so it'll be coziness on the couch with Ray and Suzie. I'm actually a little bummed that Jedward are out!!!

My nano novel, for those who want to read it.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 17:50:21 GMT

I've made a new LJ blog, where everyday I'll post a chapter. They're pretty short chapters in all fairness, there are about 22 or 23, and they are not edited. But, feedback would be fun, so if you're interested in reading them, then you can either visit the blog, or add me to your friend list if you're a livejournal user.

http://nanonovel.livejournal.com

Novel... Done!

helenanygren@gmail.com — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:03:49 GMT

Well, now I just have tons and tons of editing, but I'll put that aside for like, a few weeks! But hell yeah! I've started Nanowrimo like 5 times and have never come close. I'm really proud of myself.

Another little nano update.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 01:14:16 GMT

"She could not find a way to laugh at anything during this moment, but instead she fell to her knees, in the middle of all of the smiling, humor-filled people, and broke down. At the sight of this, Bernie collapsed beside her, wrapped his arms around Cora’s neck and nuzzled his face into her thick auburn hair. There, among all of those strangers, without fear or nervousness, or shame, the two of them shed tears more powerful than had ever fallen from their eyes before."

(By the way, I'm at 35,000 words. :D )

A line or two from my nano novel.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 01:36:25 GMT

I'm doing Nanowrimo this year, as you probably know if you've paid any sort of attention to my facebook updates. Shockingly, I've gotten almost to the halfway mark, just 923 words short. I'm so fucking stoked by that! I've started Nano two or three times in the past. I'm going to post just a small part from my story. Mind you, this is NOT edited at all, as I have no time for editing, it's all about coming up with a novel of at least 50,000 words in the month of November. I'll work on details and rewrites later. Here's what you get for now....

He found himself heading towards the city center where he would find a pub and could sit down for a quick pint to try to clear his head. He needed to devise some sort of plan. He could not go to the authorities; there was not a single soul who would care about the whereabouts of a missing prostitute. In a flash, a thought that he had entertained for hours on end over the years crept into his mind, like a snake, slithering its way up the trunk of a tree, wrapping its body around its prey and squeezing with all its might. This was no time though to begin blaming himself for that moment of weakness between the two of them which resulted in a never-ending battle with the angriest sort of jealousy. It was the sort of jealousy that would devour every ounce of goodness in Bernie’s soul, and turn it into a black cancerous mass that would eat away at his insides. Sometimes the thought of other men on top of his beloved Cora would almost kill him. There was an unbearable time when the lovers fought so often over her punishment that they almost went separate ways permanently. At one point though, Bernie had to pull himself together and accept the fact that they only way the two of them could ever be together was for him to keep the idea of Cora performing sexual favours on other men out of his head. It was not a choice she had made herself, but something forced upon her. The only way out of the contract she had been coerced into signing by The Overlords themselves was death.

More photos from birr…

helenanygren@gmail.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 23:01:59 GMT

Birr Castle

helenanygren@gmail.com — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:30:51 GMT

On Friday Ray and I went to Birr Castle. I thought I’d post some photos, although a lot of you have probably already seen them on my Facebook. The weather was nice and chilly and it sprinkled, but it was still warm enough to be comfortable. It took us about 2 hours to go through everything. A couple teasers and the rest of them behind the cut. I know they aren’t the largest photos, but there are just so many of them! Click to enlarge.

Autumn.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:41:14 GMT

It’s my favorite season, I love the change of color from an emerald green to dark reds, yellows and oranges, the crunching leaves, the smell of the crisp air. Ohio had such a long autumn when I was growing up. Sweden seemed to have almost no autumn at all where I lived, just a couple weeks, and so I’m glad to be in Ireland for the past couple of years where the autumn seems to go on forever. We don’t get snow here at all really, maybe 1 or 2 hours of a light drizzly snow that is gone almost as quickly as it falls to the ground. So it’s easy to trick yourself into believing that the autumn and winter are one long Herbstfest.

I always get a bit uneasy at this time of year though. It’s really difficult to explain. Memories of autumns past come rushing back to me. My first kiss was in the cool autumn breeze of a childhood long gone. I had an intense romance the autumn I was 16 with a rowdy cowboy, but then I’ve also had some really rough Novembers filled with depression and loneliness and anxiety, ones where I’ve dropped out of school, and some years when I’ve done even worse. On a better note, I’ve had autumns filled with international travels to Sweden and to Scotland and to Greece, and ones filled with laughter and friendships to last a lifetime. But this time of year always feels pivotal, I tend to make the big changes in my life under the light of the October moon, so even when things are fine, I feel myself getting antsy right about now, on the lookout for something big to happen.

I’m dealing with quite a change this year again, living in a new (but ancient-like!) home with Ray, and having his mother around every day. It’s probably the biggest change of all in my life to be quite honest, it’s draining sometimes, but very rewarding other times. We’re jobless, we’re all together a little bit too much, and I feel an overwhelming guilt of not being with my own family in America. I want my alone time back, and I want all the house repairing to be done. I also want jobs for us, babies, and a basset hound named Bernie. Am I asking too much? I don’t think so, and luckily for me, Ray doesn’t think so either, although I’m still trying to convince him that Suzie (our shih-tzu) needs a playmate and that Bernie should come live with us no later than this Christmas, but he’s not buying it. At all. So, things could be better, but they could definitely be worse, and this year I’m definitely NOT planning on throwing my life off the track it’s on just so I can fulfil this awful tradition I have about creating chaos for myself by Thanksgiving. This says a lot for how much I’ve matured over the years. I’m staying right where I am for good, and for all the right reasons. I’m happily planting myself firmly here and preparing for the long haul as the autumn trees are shedding their youthful leaves and preparing for the winter ahead.

If you can't toot your own horn, proactively find others to do it for you.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:40:01 GMT

My mother-in-law always tells me that self-praise is no praise, and I reply "Well, self-praise is the only kind I'm ever gonna get in this house!" (You'd hafta understand our relationship to see the humor in that conversation!) But outside of the house is another matter! I wrote the following on my friend's Facebook wall today when I noticed how many friends he has on the site:

"Jason you have over 600 friends on here. It makes being your friend feel very insignificant suddenly. hahaaa. :P"

This was his response:

"Now wait just a minute!! I hope you realize, H-Girl, that you are my ONLY qualified bagel-baker friend. Yes, indeed I have over 640 friends in cyber-space... But that doesn't make you any less special. You are a wonderful friend, though I haven't seen you in years. I miss you terribly!!! I hope you can get through the day now, knowing how truly significant AND magnificent you are."

I'm pretty much not gonna argue with him on that one.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 17:38:56 GMT

Lately I've been reminded a lot of the little reasons why I love Ray, and it's nice to focus on it because in general, things are a bit rough lately.

-When I'm crabby and snap at him, he doesn't get angry at me, and we've still never really had a fight, after a year and a half. I love to focus on that last part, because every day it still shocks me.

-We have the same taste in furniture and styles of things for the house, and colors. If one of us hates something, we just move on because we know that we'll find something we both love without having to look too hard before we agree. He loves the purple walls we painted. Not so manly, but awesome!

-He plays soccer and is really quite good at it! When he's wearing his black away uniform, he's a babe. Knee-highs are sexy.

-When we're layin on the couch watching tv, and my head is on his leg, he rubs my cheek or plays with my hair the entire time, and doesn't stop. He says it comforts him. It comforts me too.

-He hasn't gotten stressed about losing his job, and reassures me we're going to be fine, no matter what. I believe him.

-He's only 5'6, and he's skinny. When we stand up and kiss, I don't have to get on my toes to reach him.

-He has soft hands. I told him this yesterday and he said, "They're like a teenage girl's hands." Haha.

-He'd do anything to help anyone he cares about.

-I respect him because he takes on a world of responsibility and never complains. About anything. EVER.

-He has long sideburns, and he smells nice. And freckles. And he calls me "baby" with his irish accent in the cutest way.

-He makes me dinner or breakfast sometimes, and shares all the chores. And doesn't bite my head off if I sit on the couch being lazy. He's pretty lazy too actually.

Okay yeah, so I just wanted to share. Makes me grateful and makes me realize how blessed I am. Sorry for the sappiness.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 17:40:42 GMT

Tonight, 8pm. Me, the tv, and the Girls Aloud concert. I can't wait! Seriously.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 20:07:42 GMT

The perfect yearbook photos for Manda, Dave, Me, and Ray.

www.yearbookyourself.com

China Girl

helenanygren@gmail.com — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 18:32:09 GMT

So while we were cleaning this weekend, I hijacked and made my own a tea set that belonged to Ray’s grandmother. I noticed it the first time I went into the house, it’s gorgeous! The set is made by Royal Tara here in Ireland, but I can’t find any information about the pattern name or anything else about the set. Aside from just needing a good wash, the set is in great shape, not a scratch on any of the pieces. It’s 6 tea cups, 6 saucers, 6 small plates, a serving plate, a sugar bowl, and a milk pitcher.

My ex mother-in-law has a gorgeous tea set that has hand-painted gold accents and trim around the edges and it belonged to her mother. I always secretly hoped that someday it would be mine, I mucked that one up! So now I’m really glad that I have a set I really adore, I’m just a bit bummed I don’t really have anyone coming over for tea and cookies in the near future.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 20:47:09 GMT

A couple photos have been posted on my other blog of what we did this weekend. Actually, we did a lot more than just what I have photos of, but it was mainly a lot of cleaning out empty bedrooms which I didn't take snapshots of. But you can check out the photos we've posted anyhow!

http://homeandaray.blogspot.com/

The post you've all been bugging me to write!

helenanygren@gmail.com — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:52:53 GMT

I'm really intimidated by the flashing cursor in the white box where I'm now attempting to write my first journal entry in god knows how long. I was supposed to write something really prolific about my trip home to Ohio, but I don't know how to do that. But I have to write something, because if I don't, my blog can't survive for obvious reasons. So with that said, here's my entry.

My trip was filled with some extraordinary highs and some really devastating lows. Hanging out with my family is never dull, my parents are a blast to hang out with, and just being able to say something like that is amazing in itsself. I've not always been able to be in the same room as my mom and stepdad, which I guess is pretty easy for most people to say at one time or another. But the more I'm around my mom, the harder it is for me to live so far away.

My mother makes me realize my own age and that I'm not exactly young myself anymore. What I mean is that my mom is the person who I can compare from my earliest memories until now. She's the first person I've ever really noticed aging from 28 or 30, when I have my first memories of her, when she was so strong both mentally and physically, to a woman in her 50's who isn't really that same woman she was 25 years ago. It makes me appreciate the aging process in all of us because I can understand it. It's interesting to actually think about how much she's changed, and it's interesting for me to see a relationship develop with her where I'm feeling like I have to take care of her, in whatever ways a daughter can when she lives so far away and can only visit once every couple of years.

As for my father, hanging around him is just complete fun, listening to old records with him and my stepmom, Lisa (who is completely hilarious, and who will get her own blog entry very soon, so keep on the lookout!). I kind of end up just melting into the furniture, like a permanent fixture there, and when I'm around, I feel like I've never been anywhere else in my entire life. There's just an insane sense of belonging for me to be around them. Sometimes when we're together, I feel an underlying tingle of sadness swell up in me as I think, why couldn't my entire life have been this way? But, I'm smart enough to understand why, and I'm okay with that too. My father spent a lot of energy making me feel bad for being so far away, and it worked. I cried most of the planeride home.

In other news, my wonderful uncle, who was sick for most of his life, a result of alcoholism that a lot of the Vietnam War veterans developed, passed away from cancer the night before I came home. I spent some time with him the weeks before he passed away, but although I promised to come back before I left, I couldn't bring myself to visit him a last time, because I didn't know how either of us would actually be able to say goodbye to eachother, knowing it would definitely be the last time we'd meet again. It hurts more than I really even thought it would, and I have really fond memories of him, the quiet, ghostly man who gave me my first fishing pole, which belonged to my grandpa (who also died of cancer when I was just a year old), the man who made us squirrel for dinner once, and mom made me eat it, even though there were some tiny hairs in the gravy, and I didn't say a word otherwise. The gentle man with the hugest heart, who spent his lifetime fighting wars inside his mind that none of us will ever really be able to understand because he's gone now.

But for the lows during my vacation, there were some other amazing times as well. I met up with friends I hadn't met for 20 years, I met up with high school friends who I love dearly and who I've become closer than ever to, I met up with cousins I've not seen since childhood, and other family I'd never even met before. I have so many fond memories of the 4 weeks I was there, it was a vacation built entirely upon my loved ones, and nothing else. It makes it difficult to come back to Europe, but Ireland is where my home is, where Ray and I are building a life of our own together. There are a lot of things coming up just over the horizon, which I'll talk about later, but things are really great here. I do have a lot of other things I want to talk about, but I think this entry is already a bit on the heavy side. I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long, but I also promise that little by little, I'll work myself back up to normal posting habits.

Vacation Update.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:14:34 GMT

A week from today I’ll be back in Kilkenny. I’ve had such a great time here so far, but time goes so fast and there’s never time to do all the things I want or to see all the people I want to see. However, I’ve gotten to meet a lot of people I haven’t seen since high school or even before! I got to meet up with my cousin who I haven’t seen since I was a child, I saw Susie, a good friend that I haven’t seen for 20 years, and I’ve hung out with Kristy and Erin, who I haven’t seen since we graduated in 1996. I ran around in a tornado while my mom peed her pants laughing as we got completely soaked (true story! just call me Pecos Bill). I hung out with my Dad and Lisa, and I’m going back to their place on Saturday. I originally planned to blog a lot more and to take tons of photos. I failed. But this is better than nothing, and here are a couple photos.

Family photo, the end of our bbq after most people went home.

Me and Susie.

And my Ray, who I can’t wait to get home to. Technically this IS a vacation photo, since I took it at the party the night before I left. :)

Home Sweet Home

helenanygren@gmail.com — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 20:20:09 GMT

I’ve been here in Ohio for a week now, I’ve been a little awol on here because I didn’t have the internet working properly on my laptop. My mom’s computer is ancient, so updates are just a pain. I’ll try to be better now! Here’s a picture of my grandma’s cat. It weighs 24 pounds, I’m not even exaggerating. Look at him compared to my grandma’s legs!

The Power of Facebook.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Fri, 29 May 2009 17:17:04 GMT

Earlier today I decided that maybe I could just pack a carry on for my trip to America. It works. I have 2 pairs of pants, a cardigan, 3 dresses, multiple tops and a skirt, 2 pairs of shoes, underwear, my camera all packed in there nicely, and it's not even heavy or full. I'll be wearing another outfit and another pair of shoes, and I have a big enough purse to fit my makeup bag, a book, my ipod, and my laptop in. I'm only going for a couple days shy of 4 weeks afterall. How much luggage does a person need!? And this will eliminate me having to worry about picking up a checked bag and then having to recheck it during my short layover in Chicago.

The only thing I'm worried about is if I have a lot to bring home that won't fit in the carry-on. I posted a note about it on my facebook status and within minutes my Aunt Nell, who is a traveller herself, as she's from Holland, offered up one of her bags for me to bring home if I need it, which would be okay because my layover coming back to Ireland is 3 hours long which feels much more manageable. I also sent her a message asking her to let my mother know that I left her an email she needs to reply to before I leave Kilkenny tomorrow (I'm going to Offaly for a couple days!), and within just a little while she responded to that as well, saying she left a voicemail for my mother, who lives in the same area as her.

Without that status update, I'd be sitting at home here, wasting way too much of my time wondering what to do about the situation. God I love social networking sites.

Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King?

helenanygren@gmail.com — Fri, 29 May 2009 12:21:50 GMT

Back in the late 90's and the first couple years of the new millenium, I was completely infatuated with Dave Matthew's Band. I would've taken a bullet for the band. But by the time they'd put out their 3rd or 4th album of the same live tracks, I was completely bored by them. I mean, in 2001 the band released the studio album Everyday, which was a good, solid album. It really grew on me. Some of the songs on it are my fave by the band. After that album, they released a live album, and in 2002 they released the studio album Busted Stuff, which was pretty dissappointing. After that, the band released 5 live albums before Stand Up which was a complete dissappointment. I couldn't even listen to it more than 3 times and never picked it up again. I tried, I really did. Then, more live albums. 16 to be exact. And one best of album. So yeah, we've spent the last 8 years listening to about 23 live albums, a best of album, and 3 studio albums, plus a couple of solo albums from band members.

Fast-forwarding, on June 2 they have a new studio album coming out called Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King. I've listened to it already 3 times, and I really have to say, I don't think any tracks off it are going to be on any of my playlists, and I won't even bother playing it again. It disheartens me that Dave isn't writing like he used to. I realize that they are primarily a live band (doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out, and by the way, they are amazing live, but that could also be because everyone there is stoned and having a good laugh), but it would be nice to have a solid studio album with new music instead of different versions of the same songs over and over again with a new song or 2 thrown into the mix now and then. I guess though, that if I wrote music and my last 4 albums were shite, I'd probably stick to the stuff I was good at playing too. I just thought Dave had more in him than that.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Thu, 28 May 2009 14:51:54 GMT

As you guys know, I'm leaving on Tuesday to go to America. I'm getting butterflies

now, and I keep thinking things like "Aww, this is our last (fill in the blanks) for a month!" or "Ohh, we won't (fill in the blanks) again until after I get back." I am really excited about my trip, but I'm terrified I'm going to miss Ray way too much for my own good. Whenever I've been away from him, like the times I went back to Sweden, I've been miserable and freaked out the entire time. 4 weeks away, how will I cope! Plus, I get homesick really easily, I always have. Okay I am going back to where I grew up, but it's not the same really for me as being home. I lived in Holmesville less time than I've lived in Europe now!

Today and tomorrow I have to catch up on laundry and do all my packing. On Saturday, being realistic, I'll actually start packing, then we're going to Clara and we'll stay at Ray's mom's, on Sunday we'll be at one of the many pubs there for Manda's 30th birthday bash, on Monday we'll go to her house for a bbq, and Tuesday morning we'll drive to Dublin Airport where Ray will drop me off and I'll cry a lot, because I'm emo that way. Now I just have to hope for the best during the actual journey from here to there!

helenanygren@gmail.com — Wed, 27 May 2009 12:40:22 GMT

Until the end of 2nd grade I went to school in Johnstown Ohio, where a little boy with black hair and big buggy eyes used to irritate me non-stop by singing a disgusting song about gopher guts. I just googled it, and it turns out there are a lot of versions of the song, but none of them are the same as his version, and why I remember this, I don't know.

"Great big globs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
Ass-ilated underwear,
Little tiny birdie squares,
You eat them with a spoooon."

So what about you? Do you remember a version of this song? It's one of my funnest childhood Johnstown memories.

Calm me down!

helenanygren@gmail.com — Tue, 26 May 2009 19:38:26 GMT

I'm having major anxiety today because next Tuesday I fly to Ohio. My fear is that I'm going to miss my flight from O'Hare to Cleveland, my layover is just 1 hour and 55 minutes. On my way home my layover is almost 3 hours, so that's pretty much perfect I think. Can you guys tell me what you think of just under 2 hours layover on my way there? I wouldn't be so freaked out if it wasn't an international flight. I really could use some reassurance right now. If I do miss my flight because of delays or whatever, what happens? I'm really terrified, thanks to a really shitty experience I had flying back to Europe after my last visit. I get worked up over this sort of stuff to begin with, and after that, I'm just scared to death! Ugh. No wonder I don't go home more often.

helenanygren@gmail.com — Fri, 22 May 2009 14:37:13 GMT

This is a little cheesy, but I'm going to share it. Lately I've been doing my walks with Ray (who I might add has lost 15 pounds!), and I have a hard time motivating myself on the days he's working and not here to go with me. On Friday evenings he almost always works from 3pm until 11pm, and I knew I just wouldn't have the motivation I'd need to go today without him, so last night I asked him to write me a little note beside today on my progress chart to help me out, to motivate me to walk today. He pondered for a moment, and then this is what he wrote:

"Tomorrow never comes around. Today is the only time you can make a difference."

Do I even need to tell you how I went on that walk today and I kicked ass? Thanks so much Ray!