I'm really intimidated by the flashing cursor in the white box where I'm now attempting to write my first journal entry in god knows how long. I was supposed to write something really prolific about my trip home to Ohio, but I don't know how to do that. But I have to write something, because if I don't, my blog can't survive for obvious reasons. So with that said, here's my entry.

My trip was filled with some extraordinary highs and some really devastating lows. Hanging out with my family is never dull, my parents are a blast to hang out with, and just being able to say something like that is amazing in itsself. I've not always been able to be in the same room as my mom and stepdad, which I guess is pretty easy for most people to say at one time or another. But the more I'm around my mom, the harder it is for me to live so far away. 

My mother makes me realize my own age and that I'm not exactly young myself anymore. What I mean is that my mom is the person who I can compare from my earliest memories until now. She's the first person I've ever really noticed aging from 28 or 30, when I have my first memories of her, when she was so strong both mentally and physically, to a woman in her 50's who isn't really that same woman she was 25 years ago. It makes me appreciate the aging process in all of us because I can understand it. It's interesting to actually think about how much she's changed, and it's interesting for me to see a relationship develop with her where I'm feeling like I have to take care of her, in whatever ways a daughter can when she lives so far away and can only visit once every couple of years.

As for my father, hanging around him is just complete fun, listening to old records with him and my stepmom, Lisa (who is completely hilarious, and who will get her own blog entry very soon, so keep on the lookout!). I kind of end up just melting into the furniture, like a permanent fixture there, and when I'm around, I feel like I've never been anywhere else in my entire life. There's just an insane sense of belonging for me to be around them. Sometimes when we're together, I feel an underlying tingle of sadness swell up in me as I think, why couldn't my entire life have been this way? But, I'm smart enough to understand why, and I'm okay with that too. My father spent a lot of energy making me feel bad for being so far away, and it worked. I cried most of the planeride home.

In other news, my wonderful uncle, who was sick for most of his life, a result of alcoholism that a lot of the Vietnam War veterans developed, passed away from cancer the night before I came home. I spent some time with him the weeks before he passed away, but although I promised to come back before I left, I couldn't bring myself to visit him a last time, because I didn't know how either of us would actually be able to say goodbye to eachother, knowing it would definitely be the last time we'd meet again. It hurts more than I really even thought it would, and I have really fond memories of him, the quiet, ghostly man who gave me my first fishing pole, which belonged to my grandpa (who also died of cancer when I was just a year old), the man who made us squirrel for dinner once, and mom made me eat it, even though there were some tiny hairs in the gravy, and I didn't say a word otherwise. The gentle man with the hugest heart, who spent his lifetime fighting wars inside his mind that none of us will ever really be able to understand because he's gone now.

But for the lows during my vacation, there were some other amazing times as well. I met up with friends I hadn't met for 20 years, I met up with high school friends who I love dearly and who I've become closer than ever to, I met up with cousins I've not seen since childhood, and other family I'd never even met before. I have so many fond memories of the 4 weeks I was there, it was a vacation built entirely upon my loved ones, and nothing else.  It makes it difficult to come back to Europe, but Ireland is where my home is, where Ray and I are building a life of our own together. There are a lot of things coming up just over the horizon, which I'll talk about later, but things are really great here. I do have a lot of other things I want to talk about, but I think this entry is already a bit on the heavy side. I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long, but I also promise that little by little, I'll work myself back up to normal posting habits.

 

A week from today I’ll be back in Kilkenny. I’ve had such a great time here so far, but time goes so fast and there’s never time to do all the things I want or to see all the people I want to see. However, I’ve gotten to meet a lot of people I haven’t seen since high school or even before! I got to meet up with my cousin who I haven’t seen since I was a child, I saw Susie, a good friend that I haven’t seen for 20 years, and I’ve hung out with Kristy and Erin, who I haven’t seen since we graduated in 1996. I ran around in a tornado while my mom peed her pants laughing as we got completely soaked (true story! just call me Pecos Bill). I hung out with my Dad and Lisa, and I’m going back to their place on Saturday. I originally planned to blog a lot more and to take tons of photos. I failed. But this is better than nothing, and here are a couple photos.

 

Family photo, the end of our bbq after most people went home.

 

 

Me and Susie.

 

And my Ray, who I can’t wait to get home to. Technically this IS a vacation photo, since I took it at the party the night before I left. :)

 

I’ve been here in Ohio for a week now, I’ve been a little awol on here because I didn’t have the internet working properly on my laptop. My mom’s computer is ancient, so updates are just a pain. I’ll try to be better now! Here’s a picture of my grandma’s cat. It weighs 24 pounds, I’m not even exaggerating. Look at him compared to my grandma’s legs!

 

Earlier today I decided that maybe I could just pack a carry on for my trip to America. It works. I have 2 pairs of pants, a cardigan, 3 dresses, multiple tops and a skirt, 2 pairs of shoes, underwear, my camera all packed in there nicely, and it's not even heavy or full. I'll be wearing another outfit and another pair of shoes, and I have a big enough purse to fit my makeup bag, a book, my ipod, and my laptop in. I'm only going for a couple days shy of 4 weeks afterall. How much luggage does a person need!? And this will eliminate me having to worry about picking up a checked bag and then having to recheck it during my short layover in Chicago.

The only thing I'm worried about is if I have a lot to bring home that won't fit in the carry-on. I posted a note about it on my facebook status and within minutes my Aunt Nell, who is a traveller herself, as she's from Holland, offered up one of her bags for me to bring home if I need it, which would be okay because my layover coming back to Ireland is 3 hours long which feels much more manageable. I also sent her a message asking her to let my mother know that I left her an email she needs to reply to before I leave Kilkenny tomorrow (I'm going to Offaly for a couple days!), and within just a little while she responded to that as well, saying she left a voicemail for my mother, who lives in the same area as her.

Without that status update, I'd be sitting at home here, wasting way too much of my time wondering what to do about the situation. God I love social networking sites.

Back in the late 90's and the first couple years of the new millenium, I was completely infatuated with Dave Matthew's Band. I would've taken a bullet for the band. But by the time they'd put out their 3rd or 4th album of the same live tracks, I was completely bored by them. I mean, in 2001 the band released the studio album Everyday, which was a good, solid album. It really grew on me. Some of the songs on it are my fave by the band. After that album, they released a live album, and in 2002 they released the studio album Busted Stuff, which was pretty dissappointing. After that, the band released 5 live albums before Stand Up which was a complete dissappointment. I couldn't even listen to it more than 3 times and never picked it up again. I tried, I really did. Then, more live albums. 16 to be exact. And one best of album. So yeah, we've spent the last 8 years listening to about 23 live albums, a best of album, and 3 studio albums, plus a couple of solo albums from band members.

Fast-forwarding, on June 2 they have a new studio album coming out called Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King. I've listened to it already 3 times, and I really have to say, I don't think any tracks off it are going to be on any of my playlists, and I won't even bother playing it again. It disheartens me that Dave isn't writing like he used to. I realize that they are primarily a live band (doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out, and by the way, they are amazing live, but that could also be because everyone there is stoned and having a good laugh), but it would be nice to have a solid studio album with new music instead of different versions of the same songs over and over again with a new song or 2 thrown into the mix now and then. I guess though, that if I wrote music and my last 4 albums were shite, I'd probably stick to the stuff I was good at playing too. I just thought Dave had more in him than that.

As you guys know, I'm leaving on Tuesday to go to America. I'm getting butterflies

now, and I keep thinking things like "Aww, this is our last (fill in the blanks) for a month!" or "Ohh, we won't (fill in the blanks) again until after I get back." I am really excited about my trip, but I'm terrified I'm going to miss Ray way too much for my own good. Whenever I've been away from him, like the times I went back to Sweden, I've been miserable and freaked out the entire time. 4 weeks away, how will I cope! Plus, I get homesick really easily, I always have. Okay I am going back to where I grew up, but it's not the same really for me as being home. I lived in Holmesville less time than I've lived in Europe now!

Today and tomorrow I have to catch up on laundry and do all my packing. On Saturday, being realistic, I'll actually start packing, then we're going to Clara and we'll stay at Ray's mom's, on Sunday we'll be at one of the many pubs there for Manda's 30th birthday bash, on Monday we'll go to her house for a bbq, and Tuesday morning we'll drive to Dublin Airport where Ray will drop me off and I'll cry a lot, because I'm emo that way. Now I just have to hope for the best during the actual journey from here to there!

 

Until the end of 2nd grade I went to school in Johnstown Ohio, where a little boy with black hair and big buggy eyes used to irritate me non-stop by singing a disgusting song about gopher guts. I just googled it, and it turns out there are a lot of versions of the song, but none of them are the same as his version, and why I remember this, I don't know.

I'm having major anxiety today because next Tuesday I fly to Ohio. My fear is that I'm going to miss my flight from O'Hare to Cleveland, my layover is just 1 hour and 55 minutes. On my way home my layover is almost 3 hours, so that's pretty much perfect I think. Can you guys tell me what you think of just under 2 hours layover on my way there? I wouldn't be so freaked out if it wasn't an international flight. I really could use some reassurance right now. If I do miss my flight because of delays or whatever, what happens? I'm really terrified, thanks to a really shitty experience I had flying back to Europe after my last visit. I get worked up over this sort of stuff to begin with, and after that, I'm just scared to death! Ugh. No wonder I don't go home more often.

This is a little cheesy, but I'm going to share it. Lately I've been doing my walks with Ray (who I might add has lost 15 pounds!), and I have a hard time motivating myself on the days he's working and not here to go with me. On Friday evenings he almost always works from 3pm until 11pm, and I knew I just wouldn't have the motivation I'd need to go today without him, so last night I asked him to write me a little note beside today on my progress chart to help me out, to motivate me to walk today. He pondered for a moment, and then this is what he wrote:

The Great Pop vs Soda Controversy

 

 

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